I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
