I cockslap morals
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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