Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Randomize
