so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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