you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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