i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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