okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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