I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
