I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize