Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I need to calm my uterus...
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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