i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
