i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize