she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
How's work?
Spinning.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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