These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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