Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
