You just made me feel so damn special
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
