you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
