I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
