A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Randomize
