I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
