How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
