god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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