you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
