does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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