I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
