Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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