yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
