Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
