i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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