So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
