Pants 0. Shit 1.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
