Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
