I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
