So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
