Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
