So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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