everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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