i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
