why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
