he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
