He uses pillows to masturbate.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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