Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize