God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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