As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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