after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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