I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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