Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
