if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
