she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
