dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
