I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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