I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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