Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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