I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
