On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize