I have demons in me.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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