im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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