I just made out with a guy for $7.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Floor bacon is actually really good
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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