May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
