Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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