If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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