im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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