Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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