oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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