Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
