Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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