So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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