Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
