Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
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