SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
