I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
