Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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