I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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