i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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