Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
