that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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