love makes seman taste better
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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