Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
