Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
