Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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