Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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