when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
