She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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