Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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