Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
