yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
