I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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