You don't have asthma, your pregnant
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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