If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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