After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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