he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
