Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I think your dad took our porno
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
