I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
