my phone needs a breathalizer
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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