Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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