I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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