Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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