i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
