too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
