yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Randomize
