Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
sarcasm needs its own font
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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