mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
