I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
