i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
