I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
