I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
